Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Round 2....here we go...
So, most people know that we are trying for a baby. We have been trying for awhile now and I didn't realize the emotional toll it can take nor how many people actually go through this but don't talk about it. I understand, that no one needs to know every little detail that goes on with things like this or do they really care to hear all the details. However, I prefer to get things out in the open and have felt compelled to share our story of what we are going through.
To make a long story short, my hormones don't regulate correctly. I don't produce the happy balance between estrogen and progesterone. One helps create the follices for an egg and the other is what brings your monthly friend. So, back in March I was started on a medicine called Glucophage (Metformin) to help start regulating out my hormones. I took the medicine religiously. I had very few if any side effects from this medicine. (The one side effect that I wanted, weight loss, didn't come....darn it...). My cycle was all over the place. I had hoped it would help put me on a 28-30 day cycle. Well...it didn't. So, my doctor and I decided it was time to start Clomid. This is a drug that would stimulate the ovaries to help create the follicles. My first round was in April and it was awful. I went for an ultrasound to see if the medicine had worked. I had felt all the side effects so, it should have worked, right?
Nope.
I was OK with the response from my doctor who didn't see any follicles that would eventually develop into a mature egg but I was disappointed. This is about the time that I truly had to hand this journey over to God. I'd been telling God, that I could get pregnant a certain month because then the baby would be born during a certain time frame that I would like. I still struggle with that but, I know that it is all in His timing. If I had gotten pregnant back in April/May it would have just added to the stress of other family issues we had going on.
I am on my second round of Clomid after taking Provera to help kickstart my cycle. Which that was just fantastic to basically take a pill that causes what feels like extreme PMS and then literally feeling like your insides are being pulled off like a band-aid. Anyways, I take my last dose of Clomid tomorrow and then follow up the doc next week for another ultrasound.
To say I am nervous about this entire thing would be an understatement. There are times that I think, why am I doing this? Do I really want this? The answer is always yes. I also have informally selected my power verse to handle all of this is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.".
Stay tuned...
Monday, April 30, 2012
Peace and quiet...if only for a moment
I noticed that it has been since January since I have posted a blog. Where has the time gone?? Tomorrow is May 1st! Summer is right around the corner and I can hardly wait for it. Last summer I was doubling up on my classes to finish for my bachelor's degree and felt like I did not get to enjoy summer AT ALL. Since I finished up in December for my degree I had great plans for the summer. Camping trips, swimming all day, hiking, and even started thinking about training for a sprint triathalon. Well, that all came to a screeching halt last Wednesday when we got a phone call about Katie. She had been on a field trip and was accidentally pushed down by another classmate. She has ended up with a broken left arm that will probably be in a cast for the entire summer. So....my plans of taking the kids swimming is taking a detour this year BUT she isn't letting a broken arm get in her way! She has started to get around like it is nothing to have a cast on her arm which is fun to watch the way she adapts to things that we tend to take for granted like being able to get dressed and bathe. We also have some other family members that are going through treatments and surgeries in the next few weeks, so nothing is slowing down for us!
On top of all that it seems that 2012 has been the year of the babies. Maybe it is because I am hyper-sensitive to the topic right now but every time I log onto a social media site or even just watching the news, that is all that I am bombarded with. Believe me, when the time comes for me, don't be surprised to see me shouting it from the rooftops! I am also thrilled for those that are experiencing the thrill of getting ready for a baby. BUT....it is also frustrating to be dealing with some of the obstacles that I am dealing with and feeling like this shouldn't be that hard! Seriously...I have two entertaining and amazing kids that I am blessed to have a role in their life and help raise them...but I am beyond ready to add another person to our family. (Speaking of kids while I'm typing this Michael is sleep talking to me from his room which doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it is usually interesting.)
However, until that time comes, I will enjoy the memories I get to make and savor the few precious minutes of just a little peace and quiet.
On top of all that it seems that 2012 has been the year of the babies. Maybe it is because I am hyper-sensitive to the topic right now but every time I log onto a social media site or even just watching the news, that is all that I am bombarded with. Believe me, when the time comes for me, don't be surprised to see me shouting it from the rooftops! I am also thrilled for those that are experiencing the thrill of getting ready for a baby. BUT....it is also frustrating to be dealing with some of the obstacles that I am dealing with and feeling like this shouldn't be that hard! Seriously...I have two entertaining and amazing kids that I am blessed to have a role in their life and help raise them...but I am beyond ready to add another person to our family. (Speaking of kids while I'm typing this Michael is sleep talking to me from his room which doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it is usually interesting.)
However, until that time comes, I will enjoy the memories I get to make and savor the few precious minutes of just a little peace and quiet.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Fear Not!
Before I get to my fears, I need to vent for just a moment. This week has been draining; physically and emotionally. Mostly because I had a dr's appointment and in order to prevent from using my precious PTO, I made my time up. While it sounded good in my head, in reality that meant getting up around 5:00 every morning to get the kids to Nana's before school and be at work by 7. Even though I did that for 3 days being gone from home for close to 12 hours is a killer. This may sound a little like a pity party but it's really not. Just sleep deprivation. Ok, now back to the main topic...fear.
I struggled when I thought about what 8 fears I had were. I have the usual ones, bugs, heights, things that go bump in the night. But, what is it that I am really afraid of? The answer is nothing. In Isaiah 41:10 it says "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I have learned and am still learning not to fear anything because my God is with me through it all. I also know that He will continue to be with me through it all. It is very easy to get caught up in the fears of this world. We are constantly bombarded with illnesses, violence, bad economies, etc. The list goes on and on. But, knowing the Creator who created it all and cares for me and my problems, is going through this with me is just phenomenal. I couldn't imagine going through life thinking there is no hope, or wondering why I am constantly faced with struggles. This life is not easy, no one every claimed it would be, and just remember when it seems like other people don't have any problems, their problems may not be visible to all but they are struggling just as much as you are.
However, in order to keep with the challenge I've listed out 8 "fears" that I have:
1.) Snakes-there is no such thing as a good snake unless its a dead snake.
2.) Huge spiders-I'm not just talking your normal sized spiders, the ones I'm referring to are the ones you normally see behind a plate of glass in a museum or something.
3.) Dinosaurs-I know these don't exist anymore but if you ride the Dinosaur ride at Disney it is scary enough to convince you these still exist.
4.) Slimy things that live in the ocean-no explanation needed.
5.) Oversleeping in the mornings when I have to get the kids to school-There have been a few occasion I have turned the alarm off by mistake instead of hitting snooze and luckily my dogs have internal clocks that go off at 6:30 in the morning. This can cause major chaos in the mornings that usually leave me debating if my hair needs to be washed or if dry shampoo will work. Nine times out of ten, the dry shampoo is the choice.
6.) Getting lost on a trail when I'm out running (however, with my birthday gift given to me by my mom and stepdad, I no longer have to worry about this. They gave me a Garmin running watch that is the coolest thing I have acquired thus far in my running career.)
7.) Forgetting to file my taxes-This is something I never have to worry about because we always get our's done pretty early in February or March but when April 15th rolls around I tend to still have some anxiety that we didn't get ours in. (Even when I'm out spending any of the refund we are blessed enough to get).
8.) Mice-I don't know who in this world can handle a mouse in their home! Growing up we always had cats to prevent these little creatures from coming in and now that I'm married and we can't have cats due to some severe allergies, my dogs have to protect me. Plus, I've secretly adopted our neighbor's outdoor cat to keep an eye on our place. I take no chances when it comes to preventing one of those rodents of getting in the house.
So, there you have it 8 fears. Tomorrow is 7 wants. Now, I'm off to bed at the late time of 8:45pm before I start sleep dialing/texting. :)
I struggled when I thought about what 8 fears I had were. I have the usual ones, bugs, heights, things that go bump in the night. But, what is it that I am really afraid of? The answer is nothing. In Isaiah 41:10 it says "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I have learned and am still learning not to fear anything because my God is with me through it all. I also know that He will continue to be with me through it all. It is very easy to get caught up in the fears of this world. We are constantly bombarded with illnesses, violence, bad economies, etc. The list goes on and on. But, knowing the Creator who created it all and cares for me and my problems, is going through this with me is just phenomenal. I couldn't imagine going through life thinking there is no hope, or wondering why I am constantly faced with struggles. This life is not easy, no one every claimed it would be, and just remember when it seems like other people don't have any problems, their problems may not be visible to all but they are struggling just as much as you are.
However, in order to keep with the challenge I've listed out 8 "fears" that I have:
1.) Snakes-there is no such thing as a good snake unless its a dead snake.
2.) Huge spiders-I'm not just talking your normal sized spiders, the ones I'm referring to are the ones you normally see behind a plate of glass in a museum or something.
3.) Dinosaurs-I know these don't exist anymore but if you ride the Dinosaur ride at Disney it is scary enough to convince you these still exist.
4.) Slimy things that live in the ocean-no explanation needed.
5.) Oversleeping in the mornings when I have to get the kids to school-There have been a few occasion I have turned the alarm off by mistake instead of hitting snooze and luckily my dogs have internal clocks that go off at 6:30 in the morning. This can cause major chaos in the mornings that usually leave me debating if my hair needs to be washed or if dry shampoo will work. Nine times out of ten, the dry shampoo is the choice.
6.) Getting lost on a trail when I'm out running (however, with my birthday gift given to me by my mom and stepdad, I no longer have to worry about this. They gave me a Garmin running watch that is the coolest thing I have acquired thus far in my running career.)
7.) Forgetting to file my taxes-This is something I never have to worry about because we always get our's done pretty early in February or March but when April 15th rolls around I tend to still have some anxiety that we didn't get ours in. (Even when I'm out spending any of the refund we are blessed enough to get).
8.) Mice-I don't know who in this world can handle a mouse in their home! Growing up we always had cats to prevent these little creatures from coming in and now that I'm married and we can't have cats due to some severe allergies, my dogs have to protect me. Plus, I've secretly adopted our neighbor's outdoor cat to keep an eye on our place. I take no chances when it comes to preventing one of those rodents of getting in the house.
So, there you have it 8 fears. Tomorrow is 7 wants. Now, I'm off to bed at the late time of 8:45pm before I start sleep dialing/texting. :)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!
I know I should have posted this yesterday but yesterday was a Monday through and through. It's over with and I survived, that's all that matters. Now, onto my nine loves which I know you are just dying to find out!
1.) I love my husband. I know that one is an obvious one but we've almost reached the 3 year mark of our marriage and I've learned so much from him. He has become my absolute best friend that I can be myself around and know that I won't have to worry about judgement from. He helps me out so much without complaint and is extremely supportive of whatever I attempt.
2.) I love my kids, Mike and Katie. They are one of the best perks of being married to Casey. Now, we've had our moments but the best thing about these kids is how much fun we have together! It has been so much fun watching them grow and watch them change from year to year. I am so lucky to have them and even though they aren't biologically mine, they share my sense of humor which is just fantastic!
3.) I love my dogs, Clarabelle and Mollie. Clara is technically mine and Mollie is Casey's but somehow I've ended up with both. But these two are my constant companions on nights when I'm home by myself. This is a good thing because I'm still a wuss when it comes to night time in an empty house.
4.) I love my marriage and everything that goes along with it. Now, you might be thinking, this is just one to fill out my list but it is the truth! Our marriage has had it moments and we went down a very long and hard road to make our marriage a reality BUT I have so much fun being married! I know Casey and I are going to be one of those couples 50 years from now that are still going to be madly in love with each other and keeping our marriage stronger than ever.
5.) I love a good book. There is nothing like reading a story full of characters that seem to jump off the page at you. I started reading at a very early age and am glad I've kept my love of reading. It is such a great way to leave some of the stress going on and immerse yourself in a story. The problem is sometimes I can get too wrapped up in a story and forget that I have things I actually have to do.
6.) I love summer and going to the beach. Growing up we went to the beach almost every year and I have some of my best summer memories of playing in the ocean with my sisters, brothers, and cousins. Part of the reason I love going back is for the memories and the other part of it is because I'm pretty sure I was made to live near the coast...just saying...
7.) I love to decorate and cook. My family refers to me as the Martha Stewart of our family. I am blessed to have the ability to look at something and see how I want it to look and what I need to make it work. This also goes with cooking. I love reading cookbooks, watching cooking shows, and searching the internet for any type of new foods to make.
8.) I love to laugh! (Insert the song from Mary Poppins here) There is something so joyful about a good laugh.
9.) I love the time after the kids go to bed. This is the most peaceful time of the entire day because usually at this time the entire house settles down and I can actually have a conversation with my husband, get a few things done, or whatever without having to listen to iCarly, Good Luck Charlie, or anything like that. (The T.V. show references will be familiar to those around kids for any length of time)
Those are just a few of my loves and while I'm only on the second day I could see why this was limited to nine. Once you get going on it, it's hard to stop!! Tomorrow is eight fears...should be interesting!
1.) I love my husband. I know that one is an obvious one but we've almost reached the 3 year mark of our marriage and I've learned so much from him. He has become my absolute best friend that I can be myself around and know that I won't have to worry about judgement from. He helps me out so much without complaint and is extremely supportive of whatever I attempt.
2.) I love my kids, Mike and Katie. They are one of the best perks of being married to Casey. Now, we've had our moments but the best thing about these kids is how much fun we have together! It has been so much fun watching them grow and watch them change from year to year. I am so lucky to have them and even though they aren't biologically mine, they share my sense of humor which is just fantastic!
3.) I love my dogs, Clarabelle and Mollie. Clara is technically mine and Mollie is Casey's but somehow I've ended up with both. But these two are my constant companions on nights when I'm home by myself. This is a good thing because I'm still a wuss when it comes to night time in an empty house.
4.) I love my marriage and everything that goes along with it. Now, you might be thinking, this is just one to fill out my list but it is the truth! Our marriage has had it moments and we went down a very long and hard road to make our marriage a reality BUT I have so much fun being married! I know Casey and I are going to be one of those couples 50 years from now that are still going to be madly in love with each other and keeping our marriage stronger than ever.
5.) I love a good book. There is nothing like reading a story full of characters that seem to jump off the page at you. I started reading at a very early age and am glad I've kept my love of reading. It is such a great way to leave some of the stress going on and immerse yourself in a story. The problem is sometimes I can get too wrapped up in a story and forget that I have things I actually have to do.
6.) I love summer and going to the beach. Growing up we went to the beach almost every year and I have some of my best summer memories of playing in the ocean with my sisters, brothers, and cousins. Part of the reason I love going back is for the memories and the other part of it is because I'm pretty sure I was made to live near the coast...just saying...
7.) I love to decorate and cook. My family refers to me as the Martha Stewart of our family. I am blessed to have the ability to look at something and see how I want it to look and what I need to make it work. This also goes with cooking. I love reading cookbooks, watching cooking shows, and searching the internet for any type of new foods to make.
8.) I love to laugh! (Insert the song from Mary Poppins here) There is something so joyful about a good laugh.
9.) I love the time after the kids go to bed. This is the most peaceful time of the entire day because usually at this time the entire house settles down and I can actually have a conversation with my husband, get a few things done, or whatever without having to listen to iCarly, Good Luck Charlie, or anything like that. (The T.V. show references will be familiar to those around kids for any length of time)
Those are just a few of my loves and while I'm only on the second day I could see why this was limited to nine. Once you get going on it, it's hard to stop!! Tomorrow is eight fears...should be interesting!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Here we go...
Ok, so I've seen this on a few other blogs and decided I would give a shot myself to see how much of a "challenge" this is. Today is ten secrets:
1. I act like I'm organized at home but if you were to walk into my closet it would tell a different story. I have the hardest time getting all things organized BUT if somebody moves something, it messes me up!
2. I have the hardest time when schedules/meetings/appointments are set at like 2:10. Either pick 2 or 2:15 NOT something in between.
3. I have a ridiculous fear of ledges. Heights don't bother me but put me near a ledge without a railing and I can't handle it. Same thing when people hang their feet of the edge of a ferris wheel. There's always that small chance you could slip and fall out...just saying...
4. I own all 10 seasons of Friends on DVD and can quote almost any episode.
5. I can NOT watch any movies that are stories about animals. The formula for those movies is that the animal usually ends up hurt/dying/or something else and I end up in tears.
6. I love a good musical!
7. I've been blessed enough to travel to some really cool places in my life.
8. I can say I've been to Hawaii and New York City, two of the coolest places I've always wanted to go to.
9. Las Vegas is still on my list of places I'd like to visit.
10. For whatever reason, I cannot paint a room. I usually end up with more paint on me than on the wall with no idea how it happens!
So, those are my 10 for the day. Stay tuned to see tomorrow...nine loves!
1. I act like I'm organized at home but if you were to walk into my closet it would tell a different story. I have the hardest time getting all things organized BUT if somebody moves something, it messes me up!
2. I have the hardest time when schedules/meetings/appointments are set at like 2:10. Either pick 2 or 2:15 NOT something in between.
3. I have a ridiculous fear of ledges. Heights don't bother me but put me near a ledge without a railing and I can't handle it. Same thing when people hang their feet of the edge of a ferris wheel. There's always that small chance you could slip and fall out...just saying...
4. I own all 10 seasons of Friends on DVD and can quote almost any episode.
5. I can NOT watch any movies that are stories about animals. The formula for those movies is that the animal usually ends up hurt/dying/or something else and I end up in tears.
6. I love a good musical!
7. I've been blessed enough to travel to some really cool places in my life.
8. I can say I've been to Hawaii and New York City, two of the coolest places I've always wanted to go to.
9. Las Vegas is still on my list of places I'd like to visit.
10. For whatever reason, I cannot paint a room. I usually end up with more paint on me than on the wall with no idea how it happens!
So, those are my 10 for the day. Stay tuned to see tomorrow...nine loves!
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